miche

2007-03-05T20:11:00.000Z

its called 'go with the flow' the picture is beginning to unfold and im quite liking it i have to say so watch this space!....

love life

2007-02-21T11:21:00.000Z

woke up this morning with a text from my mate saying 'you are very loved!'good way to wake up!
feeling very chillled and peaceful about things at the moment. Had a funny weekend me and joe had an arguement on sunday night have to say it felt like the first proper one weve ever had as usually they are just silly little things. But all was sorted out by the time he left had make up kiss and messing aroung and giggling on monday just made me realise that yeah not all relationships are perfect and you cant expect to go through a relationship without disagreements, arguements but its getting through them what counts and makes you stronger as a couple!and my life it better having him in it than not.

also the panic about work and life has calmed down now as well. Ive realised its not something to be sacred of ok i only have 8 weeks of uni left but then the real adventure begins and God knows about it so im just waiting for him to tell me about it in his own time. so im just focusing on work at the moment and not letting anyone else confuse me or worry me about the future as i dont need to.

2007-02-06T23:13:00.000Z

really getting into my work at the moment feel like ive had a boost with it!lets hope it lasts. Saw my dad yesterday which was really nice to see him gave me some chocolate which my bro had half eaten typical!

2007-02-05T11:24:00.000Z

Been a while since i last wrote anything. My foot has healed p but got a nice little scar which looks like a burn!

getting into uni work but not really understanding where it is im meant to go or be with it still an open book and would like some direction soon. Sometimes wish i took an easier course were you knew straight away what you would be doing. life would be so much easier!

Been thinking about changing experiences and what i have seen come from then in God and his directions. Somethimes they are clear, sometimes its just stepping out and hoping i have taken the right path. at the moment cant work out if im taking my own or his or both or neither and just going with the flow of life. Funny how things all plan out, think ive just learnt that whatever may be said,is never fixed as it always changes!!

Update la foot

2006-12-24T13:17:00.000Z

my foot has its bandage removed and is now green and blue yuk!!!!! and a massive scab which still hasnt healed not the most attractive thing to look and makes me feel rather sick thinking about it!!

my poorly foot

2006-12-18T14:32:00.000Z

what a day friday turned into!!

could i be more in the wars!!went to hannah shearns house for her birthday and was leaving with Joe and i slipped and bent my foot back and landed on it sort of like the splits was not nice, hurt like .... anyway joe had to carry me to the car and clean the cut up with my make up remover wipes as that was all i had. spent all day saturday in my bed with ice on it taking lots of drugs. went to church on sunday and dr Paula said i should go to A&E so off me and joe went bumped into the lovely jess (whos house it was at!)who managed to bump us up the queue so instead of us being stuck there for 4 hours it was only 1. Had an xray done which then a boy came in too hopping after his xray saying oh thats cant be my foot its really big and long which then i got up and hopped over to my xray leaving an embarrased little boy!Dr decided to clean the cut which was agony but she thinks there might be a hairline fracture not sure so got to go back on tues until then no walking or driving so im stuck on my bed fun.

(not the clearest of pics)

Blah

2006-12-15T16:57:00.000Z

Just got back from the doctors oh so not very helpful in the slightest, my rib has been hurting me on off for the last 6 months and originally she said get an xray now she wants to take my blood and do tests on it, so not up for that as last time i gave a blood test i ended up fainting then had to get checked out again after that as it took ages for my blood pressure to get to the right level!!!

had a really bad migraine all yesterday and this morning feeling slightly better just feel like i have wasted a couple of days though.

just going to wrap up josephs xmas presents so he cant see them any more as they are hiding in my den.

(as i am typing my rib is hurting me so im going to stop goodbye!)

Brokeness

2006-12-05T13:20:00.000Z

Brokeness

is it possible to become broken, broken to the core so broken that we cant move and are lying down unable to move. Do people understand the brokeness that we constantly asked to be...do we seek to be broken to become an offering... how far do we want to go where is it we stop...

He doesnt want us to stop, he wants us on the floor unable to move as he is upon us, he wants us consumed by his presence, to be trapped by him that we can never think about ourselves and what it is we want. THEN we will see his love, his glory, his plans for us, see his fruit multiply.

Are you ready for that??? i know that im not but i want to be there i want to be on the floor unable to move as he is consuming me to the very core that my being is his being that i have nothing left and i am all his.

So that is what im going to strive for as he is my soul, my being. i want to see him transforming me by his love so that i have no fear in me and that i am wrecked by his presence

For it has come for the time to lie down and let God be God.

crazy few days

2006-11-22T12:57:00.000Z

had a crazy few days been working really hard as i had to hand in a project on monday and had to have it finished on friday before me and joe went up to hull. Left on firday lunch time for a surprise 25 wedding anniversary party for his parents and arrived after the surprise due to a pile up on the m1. had to get changed outside before we were greated by loads of people i did not know but knew me!spent all of saturday finishing of my work with the help of han (thank you!) then we left again for southampton as i needed to do more printing!!but managed to get it all done by 6 which was lush compared to last project went to see james bond which was better than i thought some crasy stunts at the beginning!

ive just come home for a few days to recharge my batteries and get away from uni life and the stress of it all. gonna start on my dissertation hopefully if all goes to plan! going to london this avo with parents and bro to get presents for all of the birthdays in the world that are coming up and xmas.

ive just been reading there is always enough by heidi and ron baker totaly aspiring book to read and heartbreaking as well, would love to go there and help out if thats in his plans for me.

2006-11-10T09:41:00.000Z

im a bit crap with keeping this upto date but it will get sorted!

got loads of work on at the moment as usually got my results back from my last project which i was happy about just got to get this other one ready to hand in, in a week.

Things in the house have got better dont really know whats going on with the council but atleast i can sleep here now without worrying im going to die!we went out as a house lastnight which i wasnt really looking forward to as i was tired and i prefered to be in my bed not freezing to death and stiken of smoke. but we all went out it was nice being all girly and getting ready together never had that in the other houses as well they were boys but then meyrick doesnt count!went to the oc have to say out of all of the decoration that have been in there from chicagos to shout this looked the best no wonder it was packed but then that could be because it was cheese nite!Well the evening started off well but then kates ex was there and then it all just hit off thought he was going to punch anyone who touched him, got the bounchers involved and me and kt legged it around the club befor he grabbed us!then the night was pretty normal after that with the dj being CCCRRAAAPPP heard more of him than the song he was playing!

so exhausted got to go to london to see my mama and papa and get fabric might see if papa wants to come with me!!

2006-10-23T13:28:00.000+01:00

just sitting at my desk working again, feels like that is what im doing all the time now!

Joe and I had our one year anniversary last week crazy that a whole year has gone by!he brought me lovely flowers which i cant put in my room which is a poo, and we went out to a meal but as we were both poorly we said we would have to do it again when im not sniverling and hes not shivering!

reading a book called the 'the journal of the lost prophet' its really good takes a while to get into it but everyone should read it!

2006-10-10T16:23:00.000+01:00

Had a crazy weekend, left on friday to go all the way up to Joes parents in hull, then on saturday went to middlesborough for Jons wedding with the lamberts, so many names and strong accents missed some of the jokes in the speeches! Then i had the pleasure of sharing a room with hannah before we went up further north to newcastle to see where she lives and have a birthday meal for hans. Have to say that was the furthest north i have ever been next time i think i will fly it as it took absolutely ages and i got a major sore bum from the car.

Feeling really fluie now as everyone in my house has had the flu and all that driving has left me shattered. got my fan on next to me to cool me down but it is making a horrible vibrating noise so it might have to come off soon.

2006-09-28T11:50:00.000+01:00

Feels like life has been one big emotional rollercoaster the last few weeks. Dont really understand what is happening and what it is God is saying to me in this situation about it all. Started of with church fasting so me and joe got involved which felt really good and what God wanted us to and felt that God was really in our relationship and teaching us more. But then i had a fire at my house second one this year!feels like it just keeps on happening, think i was slightly expecting it. But i didnt expect it to havce such an effect on me. Totally shook me and dont feel that strong anymore. Just getting fed up with student houses now just want to be where its easy and theres no complications. Trying to sort out my room and what we as a house are going to do. Got so many people telling me different things dont know what to think, that im getting to the stage that i cant be bothered to think about it any more and just get on with it all. feel some people might be making the situation worse dont know but when ever i feel like im getting on top of it some one says something and it all comes crashing down again. so ive been staying in different beds for the last 5 days and now i just want a home a bed to call mine and not to feel like im not settled. just feel that alot if crap is now happeniing! feel like ive always got to be strong and work through it all but i dont want to any more i want other people to deal with it, didnt think things were meant to be this complicated!

had my birthday on saturday so it was nice going home and getting away from it all. i know thats a place where i do feel safe! just been reading this book called 'journal of the unknown prophet' and it said this

'You are our great desire. For oh beloved, we search to and fro across the cities and the nations of the earth searching for thosewho we can make our abode with. For so many of my children know me by name, but they know not my face. For so many of my children know me by my word. But beloved they know not my face. But beloved, it is to those who know my face, it is to those who love my appearing that my Father and I will manifest ourselves.
For my child, you can see me at any time with the eyes of your heart. For those who worship in spirit and in truth, these are the ones who shall see the Son in His Kingdom in all his glory, for My Kingdom comes in your heart. It is in your heart that the Father and I shall appear to you. And so it is these ones who love our appearing that are great treasures in our sight.'

2006-09-19T14:28:00.000+01:00

Moved down to southampton into my new place. Feel all settled in now just need to get used to this location as its abit rougher than my last area!great encouraging comments from rach, joe and lau!might need to carry something with me...

hate this as im having to do all of my work now which i thought i would of had done at the beginning of the hols so wouldnt be doing it now!!never works though. so working at joes but dont have the energy to do it!!slowly getting there.
got my birthday soon which should be something good to look forward to...

feel anew since i last wrote, like its a new season which technically it is going to be. just excited about what god has instore for me!!

2006-09-03T15:41:00.000+01:00

Don't be afraid baby don't you cry, Daddy's here it will be alright,
You're not alone, you're not alone.
Don't be afraid when you're cold at night, I will keep you warm I wll hold you tight,
You're not alone, you're not alone.
Look beyond the window there, to the sky above, to the open air
Look beyond what you can see, close your eyes and just believe.
The lion roars and the lamb lays down,they live together in a whole new town.
Calling me and they're calling you, from the cold hard facts that we're on our own,
To the age old truth we're not alone.
We're not alone.
We're not alone.
Don't be afraid when you scrape your knee,I've got a band aid waiting and a kiss for free,
You're not alone. You're not alone.
Don't be afraid when the blind believe, cos the more you fly the more you'll see.
You're not alone. You're not alone.
Don't be afraid little warrior bride, for victory is on the other side.
You're not alone. You're not alone.
Don't be afraid little warrior bride, victory is on the other side.
You're not alone. You're not alone.

was thinking of this song then read lau's blog as i had an email from her and she had this song on it. funny how god works when im feeling like this. its hard when the bad things always seems to cloud the good, feels like its too hard to look above it at the moment...sometimes it just feels too much to carry by yourself and there is only one person who you can share it with who can take it all away.

2006-08-20T15:13:00.000+01:00

Been back from camp for a week now seems ages ago though. It was a really amazing time, in the first week it was raining alot and a few tents collapsed but in the second week it picked up and it was sunny when we needed it to be! Had a really good turn out of kids considering we were in tents and had new kids everyday so God just kept on bringing them in and was able to have a few chats with them, its quite amusing the questions they have and how you go about answering them. You just forget how they think, guess thats why God loves it when they come to him as they are just so open to it!

been up and down to southampton quite alot this week.got the keys for my new place the garage doesnt look bad any more! had blake jones wedding on yesterday which was lush, been awhile since ive been to any weddings!!spent most of the time hanging with jen, chix and kez as joe and joel were ushers so they were buzy boys! the boys really did up his car, i guess thats what happens when you get married and leave in your own car!was a long day and then had to take chix and kez to the airport today will be going there again tomorrow to go on holiday yippee! then it will be back to uni again.

2006-07-26T23:04:00.000+01:00

JUST SPOKE TO LAU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe's Graduation

2006-07-26T22:29:00.000+01:00

Just got back from southampton after being there for Joe graduation. A lot of proud people and parents were there although we were struggling to see the difference in the robes from a degree to a masters! But the boys enjoyed playing batman in their gowns!!

Its was really good to see all the boys again and their parents for the meal, (think bethy had a bit more wine than she lets on!)
Then saw joe's grandparents quickly today befor heading back home to see a film with my sister only to find that it had all sold out so that was a bummer, gonna try tomorrow!

Getting ready to go on my camp on friday which should be good, just praying that the weather will be good for the two weeks!still loads to sort out as well as sorting out joe who thought just a rucksack would last him for the week ....?... for a guy who got a first is a bit silly sometimes...

2006-07-04T22:27:00.000+01:00

Ive justed doing work experience at London Fashion Week, Finding itt very tiring with all this travelling back and forth early and late in the day. the heat isnt really helping as well especially on the tubes! but glad the work experience turned up at just the right time!

Went to another wedding at the weekend to reading!me and joe managed to get lost on the way and get ourselves a parking ticket as well but that was my fault as i couldnt be bothered to find anywhere else to park. lovely to see people again, g back from ireland my little green man! then had the pleasure of driving him and tri wet from having jumped in the thames!

Got another wedding on sat in somerset got to find another outfit now...

4 nights of partying!

2006-06-20T20:32:00.000+01:00

Have had a crazy few days. Started with Joes grad ball on thursday. Went out for a greek meal with his housemates, there was so much food that they ended up throwing away more than we have eaten. Some boys decided to have a 14 dish meal the pace of their meal soon went down hill after awhile! Fun Loving Criminals and edith from radio 1 played there which was gpod although i didnt know many of their songs!

On friday had Blakes house party which was slightly more chilled. i had to call it a night after half one but joe kept on going crashin other parties along his way home!

THen headed home on satureday for emma's 21st where we had casino tables which was lots of fun. i can see how people get hooked on it thankful we didnt play with real money!but still a good night.

Went back to southampton on sunday so joe could dj at talking head for a charity event fir ediths home run by kez. they had gojira and freefall collective playing there as well.

and now i have been catching up on sleeping and sorting out my room now as it is filled with boxes abd bags everywhere!!

Summertime!

2006-06-10T19:00:00.000+01:00

The sun is finally out and im soaking it up!!me joe and g went to the beach yesterday and ended up bumping into Joel and Jen which was funny. Got joes house party today so having a bbq in the sun. Havent been feeling great lately got a summer cold which totally sucks!!
Its odd being at the end of another uni year, things changing and only one more year of actually knowing what i am doing!Lau has gone off to the states now feels quite odd...will hopefully get out there this year sometime. ANd now ric is in the working world and i cant seem to ever get hold of him!!which totally sucks! anyway need to get back to the party i think ive eaten too much food : (

At Home

2006-05-25T15:17:00.000+01:00

Ive been home since the weekend for my dads birthday and party on saturday night! spent saturday looking for the outfit, stresses me out having to do everything last minute!But it was a really good night seems ages ago now!
Saw the lovely laura on monday night and ended up staying the night after chilling out with jason upton and praying!shes off on tuesday to the USA, gonna miss her loads but hopefully will get to go out to see her!
Just been spending my time at home chilling and being slightly creative again, did three painting!!Got to look after the boys as parents have gone away, so got to make sure that they dont stuff their faces with take-aways!

Just been looking at my diary and already my time is getting filled up with things, which is slightly worring as i can see this summer just flying by and then its uni all over again for the last time. I was totally worrying again about what it was that i was going to do and where im meant to be, and whether it mattered that im not that career focused and just stressing about next year. But i realised that whatever happens whether its something i thought i was going to do or something completely different i dont need to worry. That God has it sorted. He knows what it is i need more than i do. SO now im just excited, about where it is im going and what it is he has in store for me!! bring it on!

Also ive realised that since lent where i actually managed to keep it up for the 40days giving up shopping, mags, music etc i realised that i hadnt bought mags at all so the other day i got one. Oh my word!!i was just flicking through the papers and all i could think of was what crap and rubbish is in them and most of all how much they had been affecting the way that i used to live. WHich then just disgusted me at how they could have such a big impact on my life and especially when i was a teenager. But i know that God brings freedom from these things and just clears our mind to how he wants them to be.

2006-05-16T16:02:00.000+01:00

Gosh so much has happened since ive last wrote!!
Had a lush easter weekend at the lamberts doing some egg rolling (i think i did pretty well for a beginner!) then went straight back to southampton to get on with work, which i have been doing ever since!Last week was crazy ended up doing a few late nights and even an all night one which i wasnt really loving the next day. But thanks to Barney noy who modelled my outfit it went really well, just waiting for my results now which i get tomorrw ahh.

Ive got more free time now which feels really odd as im not used to it!!went into town yesterday and bought myself a few canvases and spent the day painting. Ended up getting paint everywhere as per usual!Got my dads birthday party this weekend so have been trying to find a dress for it, took joe with my on tthe weekend he did well but i think he got slightly bored. I didnt end up getting anything so it might be a crazy day on saturday with my sis trying to find something!

2006-04-11T20:36:00.000+01:00

Its been one of those days or weeks?!had a bit of a pants day yesterday as im missing joe and then i took it out on him (sorry Joseph!) and i forget constantly how powerful it is when i pray. I think i take it for granted the things i expect God to do for me when it comes to the little things in life as i wonder if he could be bothered to sort them out but he does and sometimes a lot quicker than i expect so im having to catch up with him!
Woke up today, pretty much jumping out of bed as i said lastnight i would go to london but usually when i say this i can never be bothered the next day but it was as if God said come on get up we are going to london whether you like it or not!!so i went with my ipod and was just listening to some christian music and suddenly out of no where about 4 middle aged to elderly couples come out and i just sat there watching these couples (i like watching people in public places not in a stalking way but peoples behaviours and mannerism etc...!) anyway i was watching them and i always wonder to myself when your old do you ever run out of love or ways of expressing your love to your partner? but here they were each being intimate and loving with their other half in a different way. One couple that got me was the way they were standing, talking to each other but while they were holding hands they were gently squeezing each others hand in their own little rhythm. Then god just said see you never run out of love like i never run out of love for you!!
Went to soho and got my fabric dye and was on the way back on the train and i could just feel Daddy with me all day sitting next to me and being with me so i didnt feel alone.
Then i listened to this talk from grace center about women and marriage and the roles men and women should take towards one another. It was explaining how God wants relationships to be, how he has specially created and moulded someone for me and who fulfills all my desires and needs and that is my gift from God who know one else can have!!and that I am a gift to the person I am with!!
Been finding God also challenging me in things i do and think out about things. Im learning that i have to give them to God and to try and have a Jesus like attitude to them. I also become aware that i do put myself in those situations which dont help me and having to learn to give them to God and try and see the pattern of it before i end up putting them into motion. Not going into in too much detail but there is one which i struggle with and i dont know how to come about it as it can and does spirtually enhance me, but its there that i also struggle and dont know what it is i should do?But i know Daddy will make me stronger from this and i can depend on his strength when i do feel weak.

Cant Sleep

2006-04-10T06:00:00.000+01:00

just woken up bout an hour ago from a scary dream been a week since i last had one but wasnt as bad as that one!
So i've been trying to get back to sleep but all i can think about is lastnight. Had a deep moment with Daddy for over an hour just talking about things and my desires of wanting him more and his way for me and not wanting any other way as his way it perfect for me.
Then i went to read 'God is closer than you think' with him and each chapter he keeps on pointing out a specific thing to me which touches me and lastnight he said to me through it
' And when it is time to choose a prince - let daddy decide who the prince should be.'
it reminded me of something that lau said to me when we had our deep catch up chat. I dont want just anyone i want the person that God has designed for me and specifically created for me to be with me and to enhance me in his journey with him and fulfil all my needs and daddy knows that and that person...

dont know if that makes sense still feeling sleepy going to try and sleep some more now...